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Irrational Pride
So, yeah, I'm Scottish. And, surprise surprise, quite a few
things have been pissing me off recently.
"National Pride" in particular.
It's one of the most artificial, unthinkingly stupid phenomena to pass fairly unchallenged even by otherwise intelligent people.
For example: does Scotland as a nation really have nothing to offer the world but tartan-wrapped sugar derivatives, wool skirts and internal sheep organs? Because tourists are probably leaving with that impression.
They're probably right, too. Ask any Scotland supporter heading off to a football match with a See You Jimmy bunnet, full highland dress across the region bordered by waist and ankles, a pair of grubby trainers and a saltire daubed across his naked sweaty chest.* Ask him why he's clad as such. You'll probably be treated to a speech about out proud national heritage , our glorious victory at Bannockburn, and generally peeing on English people.
Our proud national heritage? So we killed a lot of people!
And that's the problem right there. It wasn't "we". It was a bunch of
grubby bastards hundreds of years ago that bear about as much resemblance to you
or I as vegan bacon does to food.
Anyway, these hairy ancestors of ours killed a hell of
a lot of people. So did EVERYBODY back in the day. Every country everywhere has
a history of incredibly violent conflict. Not really something to be proud of,
is it?
So, what about today's Scots? Are the people of Scotland somehow better than those elsewhere? Have you looked around recently? Grease-munching, pill-popping, teenage pregnancy heart-disease capital of the universe. Paisley has the highest incidence of stabbings per capita on planet Earth. Proud?
William Wallace was a very tall hairy man who killed more
people than most. Robert Burns was a second rate poet at best. About the only
distinctive trait of the Scottish people is a general animosity toward
England.
Well, I've got news for you on that one - we ARE England. We speak English, we
use the currency of the English banks, many of our progenitors are English, my
own mother being one. Do people really imagine that anything changes because of
a totally arbitrary line which has changed over the centuries more times than
I've eaten lettuce? That's at least six.
*************
"What next? Westminster Gives us a Scottish Parliament that has no say in our own affairs, unless it suits them.
Now, to add insult to injury they have decided, in their wisdom, to zap the Saltire from all Scottish registration numbers and cars. It is now deemed illegal.
Whatever happened to democracy, free speech, the right to our culture?
Motorists should now preserve their Scottish heritage by attaching a Saltire, or if
preferred a Lion Rampant, flag to their radio antennae.
We all know that the Sassenachs are out to get us but, in the name of William Wallace, what's happened to
Scotland the Brave?
Are we no longer allowed our own "identity" or, in the words of our great bard, are we all Timorous Cowrin' Beasties?"
*************
A letter there from the Daily Record, a shining example of everything shite about journalism.
Remarkably this person, who believes that her Scottish
heritage is preserved by a fucking flag on her fucking car, is not in a
minority.
She also needs to do a bit more research into the 'heritage' she purports to
defend. By "Sassenachs" does she really mean "everyone
south of Inverness"? Or is she dead wrong, and a grotesquely ugly freak?
The past is generally a pretty fucking ridiculous thing to be proud of. Not just because it was extremely nasty, brutish and prolonged, but because no-one alive today had any effect on it whatsoever.
The Scotland of now is also nothing to be proud of,
because it's a shitty hole. And the only way this is ever going to be
solved is if people stop living in the fucking past, whining about the fucking
flags on their fucking cars, wearing their fucking kilts wheresoever abroad they
fucking go.
And start saying things like: "Hey! The world isn't a rosy fucking
funhouse. Maybe we should do something about that."
*That is, about 80% of all Scotland supporters. Stalwarts of the Tartan Cunting Army........